Advise Me (Please!)

This week starts advising period at Fairfield. That simple sentence should not freak me out as much as it should, but I can't help but worry. Advising period is used to reduce the stress of picking classes next semester, you meet with your advisor and they suggest what classes you should take. This gives me the worst anxiety. Picking my classes is making a plan for my future. I can't think of the future without getting worried.


The idea of picking classes scares me so much because I feel like I have no idea what I am doing. I am undecided, I don't have a major and have no ideas of interest (well that is not completely true). I know I want to do something with health science, but I am not sure exactly what. To pick a major would be a huge help, but I am too indecisive. One day I want to be one thing, and the next day it changes. Sometimes I think I can't handle being a pre-health major, then the next I think I have the ability to be the next great scientist. It seems like every other student at Fairfield knows exactly what they are doing. They have their classes picked out and they are ready to move onto the next semester. They all have majors and know what they want to be when they grow up. Then there is me, the complete opposite.

I know everyone says its okay to be undecided and most people change their majors they originally started with, but I hate not knowing. I want to know what I am studying and what I am going to be when I grow up. I am impatient, I just want to snap my fingers and get the answers to these questions. I know life does not work like that, but it would be awesome if it did.

The reason I am getting so worked up over this is because I put way to much pressure on myself. I don't know why, but I expect myself to know everything. I am going to make mistakes. I can't always be right, but I wish I could. Not knowing what to do is apart of the college experience. I just need to relax and talk to my advisor. Everything always works out, I just have to be patient.

The Winter Jacket

I am lucky to say that I rarely ever fight with my parents. I know that sounds crazy and that is so unusual for a teenager, but usually the fights we have are over stupid things that don't matter. My mom will yell at me for leaving my stuff laying around in the kitchen, or for leaving my half filled coffee mugs around the house. My parents have a hard time getting mad at me because I always try to do the right thing. I fold the laundry or empty the dishwasher, and usually (not always) I am willing to give my siblings rides.

I know better to fight with my parents because as everyone knows parents are always right. I was never really the aggressive type. I hate confrontation and when someone is mad at me, so to fight with my parents makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't see fighting as a solution, it usually just causes more problems. My lack of ability to fight is one of the main reasons my siblings call me the favorite child. I just go along with what my parents say, and usually I can get what I want.

The only thing my parents and I really fight about is when I get in a fight with one of my siblings. Yeah I call my 10 year old brother annoying and my teenage brother rude, but that doesn't really matter. What really irks my parents is when my sisters and I fight over clothes. Having two sisters is great until I want to take my sisters jacket back to college, or I find my favorite pair of jeans in my sisters hamper.

Even when I fight with my sisters, my parents usually take my sides (because I'm the favorite, just kidding it's because I am rational). Yesterday, before I came back from school my little sister and I got into a huge fight over clothes. Sunny insisted on checking my bag before I got on the train, just to make sure I didn't take anything of hers. I told her I didn't have anything of hers, but really my bag was filled with her jacket, shirts, and scarves.Trying to hide my bag and leave before Sunny got home didn't work. She found my bag, ripped it open, and pulled out everything that was hers.

I can't fight my own battles against my sisters, I always get my parents involved. My sisters know that I hate to fight and they know that 99.9% of the time, I end up in tears. As our brawl started out Sunny said, "Your going to go cry to mom and get whatever you want." Of course this made me cry and of course I screamed for my mom to back me up.

My mom came out into the garage and yes, she took my side. Sunny was yelling about a particular, tan winter jacket that she didn't even know she had. This jacket was hanging in the back of my mom's closet since before last winter. I figured I could take it, Sunny didn't even know where the jacket was and if I didn't bring a warm winter jacket back to school I would freeze to death on my walk to class.
Sunny thought the opposite. Even though she has not worn the jacket in over a year, she wanted me to leave it home so it can go unused and take up space in my mom's closet. Sunny claims that she knew that jacket was there, and that she needs it for school. I laughed because her school is inside, and she wears her same north face jacket everyday. If I brought the jacket back to school I would actually use it.

Long story short, I ended up in tears, Sunny ended up telling me she hated me, and my mom packed the jacket I want in my bag for me to bring back to school. Good thing my dad was not home or else he would have been really mad at my sister and I for fighting over somethings so stupid. After fighting with my sister I felt really guilty. I hate leaving on such bad terms with her especially knowing that I won't see her until Thanksgiving. At least I got a jacket to keep me warm in the brisk Connecticut air.

Technology and Me

As much as I hate technology, there is no way I could live without it. I rely on technology for everything, but I rarely ever realize I am doing it. I always have my phone and I google whatever answers I don't know. I call my mom and my sister at least three times a day each. Even if I don't have anything to say, I will call them just to say hi. I take for granted having a phone that will connect me to everything I want. I could not imagine growing up in a time without such advanced technology.

My first phone, the orange enV

I got my first phone the Christmas of seventh grade, an orange Verizon enV. I was the last of my friends to have one. I was always jealous of my friends, they could call and text each other every hour of every day. To get in contact with me they had to call my house phone and hope that I picked up. It was lame that I didn't have a phone for so long, but looking back on it now I really didn't need a phone.

My phone in 7th grade allowed me to get in on all the drama, gossip about people, and have my mom call me at 11:00 and ask me when I was coming home. When I would lose my phone or forget it at home, it was like the end of the world. I was attached to my phone, just because I finally had one. There was no reason I needed to be in contact with people all the time like I was.

As I got older, I became more and more dependent on my phone. Social media became more and more occurring, and it was right at the tips of my fingers. My freshman year of high school, when I first got a Facebook (again I was the last of my friends), I had the ability to scroll through my newsfeed and keep up with my 'friends'. When Twitter and Instagram came out years later, I too got one. I am always the last to get with with the social media, but I just as addicted as everyone else.

I wish I never got involved with social media. It is like one of those things that once you start, you can't stop. I would save so much time if I wasn't so obsessed with my phone and keeping up with social media. I think knowing that I am so reliant on my phone has helped me not be as reliant (if that makes sense). I make an effort to leave my phone in my room if I go to one of my friends room just so I don't use it all the time. I love using airplane mode on my phone. It does not allow texts, emails, or calls to come through, but you don't turn your phone off so you can still check the time. My phone goes on airplane mode when I workout, when I am studying, or when I am sleeping. Airplane mode allows me to lose contact from the world, even if its only for 20 minutes.

One great thing that I love about technology is the ability to stay connected. My cousins and I have a group chat, which all 20 of us write in just to let each other know what is going on. Most of the time we talk about stupid stuff (like yesterday we talked about what we were all being for halloween). It is nice to be able to talk to my cousins so easily. I could not imagine writing letters to them, and waiting for them to respond days later.

Even though I say I hate technology, I couldn't live without it. I don't know how people went to college without technology. I could not imagine writing papers by hand or looking up information in a book. If I was at college without technology, I would be so homesick. Technology is a double-edged sword.

Save the Sea

If someone asked me where my favorite place on earth was, without hesitation I would say the beach. This is so cliché, everyone loves the beach. But I am different from everyone, I love the beach in a different way then everyone else. I can sit on any beach for hours on end. During the summer, I leave beach block, I spend every day there. Some mornings I would get up early and watch the sunrise over the ocean, while some nights I would walk down the shoreline with the water hitting my feet.

When the tide is low like this is my favorite time
 to walk on the beach. 

After reading The Touchy-Feely (but Totally Scientific!) Methods of Wallace F. Nichols by Michael Roberts, I realize that my feelings towards any beach, are not extreme or bizarre. They are actually completely normal. There is a certain kind of person with these beliefs, that there is somethings special about the ocean. These people are Nichols' target.

Nichols believes that by understanding how we feel around water, we will have an easier time finding solutions to conserve the ocean. Nichols, who is a biologist, is trying to get this idea in motion. He "envisions cognitive neuroscientist constructing detailed models of brain activity for experiences like sitting on a beach, then using their findings to drive public policy." Basically, Nichols is trying to find proof that emotions drive our behavior. In doing this, he can use emotions to save the ocean.

I like Nichols' attitude towards his idea. He is not in it for the fame and fortune, he really just wants to conserve the ocean. Nichols is a down to earth man. He is smart, but not too smart for his own good. He has social skills and knows how to express his beliefs and hypothesis to people so they understand. Nicholas is like you or me, a normal person, only he is using his
skills to save the sea.

It is Nichols personality and my love for the beach that drew me to this article. Nichols is onto something great. There is no calming place better than the beach. Had Nichols been doing research about something less occuring in my life, I probably would not agree with his carefree, laid back, and lack of scientific proof approach. Not only do I agree with Nichols' argument, but can relate to it. My love for the ocean drew me to this article.

 If we keep polluting the ocean and treating it like it is no big deal, pretty soon that luxury will be gone.
 I really hope that we can make changes in the way we act to conserve the ocean. If not, we are all really going to regret it.

For more information about Nichols visit: http://wallacejnichols.org

The Things I Google

Google is a life savor. Without google there is no way I would have passed high school, let alone get into a school like Fairfield. I googlethings everyday. My last five searches include:

• health articles (I find these really interesting)
• why don't some jews keep kosher (for my interview for religion) 
• convery 726 kJ to J (for my chem homework)
• what time does barone close (just wondering)
• Loyola University women's soccer (looking up Jess' stats)

I don't know what I would do without google, it provides information at the click of a button. Marion Wink says in the article The Things They Googled, "The things they googled were determined by forgetfulness, by need, by desire, by curiosity, and by the endless availability of information." We google things not because we need to know information, but because it is so easy to do. More than half the things I google are stupid things I don't need to know. I couldn't imagine living a life without google. What would we do to find information, look it up in a book?

Google is really helpful when it comes to my weekly Chemistry homework. Our homework is online, and is mostly common examples that are online, just with different numbers. I have figured out that if I google the first couple words of the problem, usually an example will come up with different numbers. This makes doing my homework so much easier, all I have to do is follow the example that I found though google, just putting in my own numbers. I save so much time by doing my homework this way. Rather than flipping though my notes and seeing what equations I need to use, I just google them. All the information is right in front of me, it makes doing homework so much more efficient.

My mom thinks she is a doctor because of google. Whenever any of my brothers or sisters are sick, she will google the symptoms and tell us what is wrong with us. It is so funny because we always joke that doctors don't know anything, they just google it (that's why they always walk in and out of the room). Obviously this is a joke, doctors are really smart. Its crazy to think that an normal person can find out what is wrong with them by googling it.

I don't think people appeciate how much google has improved our lives. Google has made it possible to keep up with fast paced life we all live in. Reading The Things They Googled by Marion Wink showed me how much Google has influenced my life. I now realize how much I use google, and how different my life would be without it.

Blind

Today I dropped my contact when I was taking it out of my eye, and I cannot find it anywhere. I know, it doesn't sound like a big deal, but to me it is the end of the world. I hate wearing my glasses; they are too big, fall down my face, and give me a headache. I am not one of those people that can survive without glasses or contacts, I am blind as a bat. I rarely ever take my contacts out because it is gross, I have always hated sticking my fingers in my eyes. When I first got my contacts it took me over an hour and a half for the doctor to teach me how to put them in. I could not understand how people nearly poke their eye out trying to put a contact in. I took so long to learn that the doctor had to leave and help another patient while I sat there and waited until I was mentally prepared to put my contacts in for the first time.

Right after I showered (which was a cold shower because there was no hot water in my dorm), my eyes were really dry. I decided to take out my contacts. I figured I should considering I can't remember the last time I had taken them out. (Yes, I know this is really bad for my eyes!) I took my contact out of my left eye with no problem and put it safely away in my case. I didn't have great luck with my right eye. I swear my contact just disappeared, because it is no where to be found on my floor. Usually when I drop them (which happens pretty often) I find them after a couple seconds of searching. This time was different, my contact was lost.

I started to panic because I didn't have a back up pair, the pair of contacts that was in my eyes were the only ones I have at school. I had 3 friends searching for my contact while I called my mom and asked her if she happened to slip my spare contacts in my bag this weekend when I was home.
"I emptied my purse today," she said. "And your contacts were in there. They are now sitting on the kitchen table." I asked her if she could overnight them to me, so I didn't have to wear my contacts all weekend. "I'll do it first thing tomorrow morning."

I started to relax. I convinced myself to stop being such a drama queen and told myself that I could survive wearing my glasses for one day. Then my roommate says, "We don't get mail on Saturdays. You won't get them until Monday."

Immediately I called my mom, who told me to find a Lens Crafters or eye doctors that would have my prescription. Of course I had to lose my contacts, something that is not sold in drug stores. I had an attitude towards my mom; it wasn't her fault I dropped my contact or that mail wasn't delivered on Saturdays, but I had to blame someone. I hung up and told her I would figure it out by myself, even though I did not have the slightest idea where to begin.

 My mom called me back and said, "Bean I'm by a UPS store, I think I can overnight your contacts to another UPS store, that way you will have them tomorrow." I was so relieved, because there was no way that I could get my contacts by myself and I certainly didn't want to have to wear my glasses all
weekend. 28 dollars later, I can now take the stag bus to town after 10:30 tomorrow morning and pick up my contacts. Thanks mom for saving my weekend!

Chaos

This weekend I figured out why it is important that I don't come home more often. I can't get any work done. Trying to get homework done right now is physically impossible. I don’t know how people that live at home and go school do it. My house is to loud to even think straight. You would think a 87 year old grandpa is watching TV, that is how loud it is. I can hear the TV blaring through my closed bedroom door. My mom is yelling from upstairs in the laundry room to my brother who is downstairs to go to bed. You can't even hear her over the sound of the dryer going and the slamming of the washing machine it closes, never mind with the TV on. My little brother Jack, who's 10, is on the couch yelling back to my mom that he can stay up because everyone else is up. They aren't even on the same level of the house, yet they are having a full blown conversation. 

My little sister Sunny is so needy. Literally every sentence that comes out of her mouth starts with, "I need..." She just took out the ironing board, in the middle of the upstairs hallway, and decided to iron her shirt for tomorrow. She must of forgot that 1. I am in my room trying to study, and 2. the ironing board squeaks every time someone moves it. Like my mom and brother, she is yelling downstairs to my sisters boyfriend about her project that he is helping her with. Billy, who has been dating my sister for over a year, is running through my downstairs playing with Teddy, our dog. You would think there is a 4 year old child running downstairs, but no, it's just Billy. 

In addition to that noise, my brother Alex, who wrestles, is wrestling my sister Tori to the ground. He took her down with a slide-bye, his signature move. Tori is on the ground with Alex on top of her. I know this is not normal, but for a "wrestling family" like mine this is an everyday occurrence  My dad is at a meeting, but if he was home he would be yelling at Tori telling her how to escape. 

Through this chaos I'm trying to study for my religion vocab quiz. I told my mom to, "shut everyone up," but she just laughed at me. My mom knows that there is nothing she can do about the noise and she knows that someway or another I will find a way to be prepared for my test. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I had to deal with this everyday, I don't know how I made it through high school with such good grades. Having lived on my own for three months, I forgot how annoying it was to live in such chaos. Don't get me wrong, when I don't have stuff to get done, I'd be right with my family being loud and obnoxious, but being that I am a tad bit stressed out, I can't deal with this. I love my family, but this is one thing I don’t miss right now. I need to be back at school, in an environment that is made for studying. My house is way to fun to get any work done. 

Alex perfecting his handstand, in the
family room

Alex's response to my mom asking him to empty the dishwasher (he didn't actually hit her thought)